Sealandic Code of Conduct
by IronicNarwhal
Summary: 101 things the Principality of Sealand, Peter Kirkland, is not allowed to do at World Meetings


A/N: Sealand is adorable (read: adorkable) so that's the end of the story. I just had to do it…you just _know_ that Finland would draw up this list for him! lol.

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A Sealandic Code of Conduct

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I, Peter Kirkland, solemnly vow to never perform the 100 actions listed below, nor will I ever cajole another nation into doing it for me. If I do happen to do any of the 100 aforementioned actions, on purpose or not, it means no desert and no television for a week. Depending on the severity of the infraction, I may also be whooped with the belt.

1.) I will not bug Lithuania to switch seats with me, no matter how sad Latvia looks sitting right next to Russia.

2.) Nor Estonia.

3.) I am not allowed to sneak Hanatamago into the meeting and tell everyone that she's Aland. Aland hates it when I do that.

4.) I will not spread anymore nasty rumors about the origins of Hong Kong's eyebrows. If I do, Mama won't stop England from magicking me into next week, nor will he tell China not to throttle me.

5.) Nor am I allowed to shave England's eyebrows off when he is sleeping. This is one of the actions that will get me whooped.

6.) I'm not even supposed to be in the meetings, so I definitely don't get to sit in on the trade discussions. They aren't appropriate for twelve-year-olds, and the last time I did that, Finland and Sweden couldn't look at me for a week.

7.) I will not ask Finland, loudly, for another juice box in the middle of his presentation.

8.) Nor Sweden.

9.) I will not refer to Finland as "Mama" in the middle of a meeting ever again.

10. I will not offer to become one with America in order to gain statehood. I don't know what 'becoming one' means, and the negative connotations of the statement outweigh the hilarity of the joke. (Even if America laughed.)

11.) Magic brownies' are _not_ magically delicious. If ever they are offered to me, especially if by Canada or Holland, I should Just Say No.

12.) It goes without saying that I am not allowed to sneak into any adults-only forums at conferences as Canada. This, again, is an action that will get me whooped.

13.) I am not allowed to call Latvia 'm'wife'. Especially not in front of Russia, Sweden, or Finland.

14.) When talking to France, I should not offer to let him squeeze any part of me he wants in order to prove that I am made of steel.

15.) Speaking of that, I'm not allowed to body-slam the other, unsuspecting micronations and semi-autonomous states. Australia really bitched Sweden out when I broke Wy's arm that one time.

16.) I shouldn't mumble, 'bork bork' when Sweden speaks at panels and forums. It will get me whooped, and Finland will not help me.

17.) I will not get the phone number of Russia, or any ex-Soviet states and text them creepy messages at inappropriate times of the night. It's only amusing once (Or never, if you're Lithuania, the crybaby) and it's not worth the month spend without phone privileges.

18.) …I'm not allowed to call any of the Baltic States crybabies, _especially_ Lithuania.

19.) I won't give America the name of anymore weird, insulting, or embarrassing YouTube videos. It took Sweden years to live down the whole 'Party in Sweden's Pants' thing.

20.) Despite what Poland may say, 'business casual' does not mean I can come to meetings in slippers.

21.) China and Russia _do not_ have a 'special relationship' and I should not try to imply that in whispers during silences at forums. It's disruptive and makes Russia very angry.

22.) Furthermore, the correct term for my parent's marriage is not 'special relationship'. I should refer to it as a Union, and if word gets out that I've been referring to it wrongly again, I will be whooped.

23.) The same goes for England and America. (Even though their governments refer to it as a 'special relationship'.)

24.) I shouldn't switch America and Canada's glasses as a prank, no matter how similar their prescriptions are.

25.) When the World Conferences are in Austria, I'm not allowed to spin down the streets with my arms flung out at my sides, singing, "The hills are alive, with the sound of music!"

26.) Also, I really shouldn't ask Austria for Maria von Trapp's autograph.

27.) I am not a Nordic, and therefore am not allowed to come to the Nordic meetings.

28.) I'm not allowed to impersonate Aland in order to sneak into the Nordic panels, either.

29.) Even if America says it, I shouldn't refer to ABBA as 'pansy shit'. My mouth will be washed out with soap.

30.) I shouldn't start blowing on the vuvezula South Africa gave me when my parents or Uncles go up to talk.

31.) Iceland is not a 'wikileak' and I am not his 'source'. I need to stop saying that, because it makes America angry.

32.) If I ever steal America's glasses, Hungary's flower, Mexico's rosary, or Russia's scarf ever again, the consequences will be dyer.

33.) Denmark-Norway dissolved a long time ago, so I should stop giving them anniversary presents. Denmark doesn't mind much, but Norway always twitches and has hushed conversations with Finland that always end with a whooping.

34.) The same goes for Austria-Hungary.

35.) I shouldn't tell everyone that Finland used to be 'hella gar', no matter what those weirdos from that online forum said.

36.) Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and UAE do not appreciate it when you pull on their _hijabs_. Pakistan will slap me if I try to do that to his sisters again.

37.) Israel and Germany _do not_ get a long, and I shouldn't try to set them up on a blind date.

38.) The same goes for America and Israel, even though they like each other (To the best of my knowledge) and Israel doesn't mind.

39.) Don't even _think_ about Israel and Palestine. Starting World War Three is not a good thing to aspire to.

40.) I'm not allowed to demonstrate my gymnastics skills by jumping over Egypt's head chanting, "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick…!"

41.) Speaking of which, I do not have gymnastics skills.

42.) If I have to exchange doujinshis with Japan at meetings, I should do it someplace secret. If not, Finland will find out, he will be mad, and I will be whooped.

43.) If asked if I want to share a hotel room with Latvia, the correct response is, "Yes, that would be lovely." Not, "As long as your brothers and that freak aren't there."

44.) Russia's name is not 'freak'. If I call Russia 'freak', I better be prepared to be on the receiving end of some water pipe-ownage. (PS: This is a lie, Mommy and Papa would never let anything happen to me…)

45.) I should not egg Korea on by telling him that Internet Servers originated in me.

46.) Czech and Slovakia get _really_ angry when you confuse them. Especially because Czech's a boy, and Slovakia isn't.

47.) I should not gamble with Nations with Dissolved Nation Status (Such as Prussia and Yugoslavia) using land that does not belong to me. (Finland's…Sweden's…England's…) Just as well, Prussia shouldn't be betting with Germany or Austria's land, and Yugoslavia shouldn't be betting with Romania's land, either.

48.) I shouldn't gamble in general. The term, "Prussia claims your mother's vital regions!" comes to mind.

49.) Calling England, "Big Brother", even in jest, causes his eye to twitch and him to become completely unresponsive for the next two hours. This response is in no way funny.

50.) Latvia is not my plaything, my jungle-gym, my chew toy, or any other vaguely demeaning term.

51.) …He's also not my bitch.

52.) I am not allowed to claim that children born in International Waters are citizens of Sealand…Even though they are.

53.) Faeroe is not my 'brother from another mother', and I should stop referring to him as such. It makes Denmark twitch.

54.) I am not a pimp or Sugar Daddy, and Latvia is not my Bottom Hoe.

55.) If I am ever again given the opportunity to attend a nation's wedding, I am not to stand up on the pew durring 'Here comes the Bride' and screech, "HERE COMES THE BRIDE, BIG FAT AND WIDE…!" especially when said bride is Ukraine.

56.) I should never do anything to make Ukraine cry. It makes Russia, Estonia, and Canada all very angry. This also may result in Russia convincing Belarus to stab me with a knife. Ouchie.

57.) The Micronations, Semi-Autonomous states, and Special Administrative Regions of the world are not a Gang, and we will not mess you up. I need to stop implying so.

58.) …Nor are we the strongest, the toughest, the most wicked, the most beautiful. Sweden knows what this means, and he _will_ whoop me.

59.) Nordic Death Metal is not appropriate music to put to my PowerPoint presentations. It makes Latvia cry. (Suomirokkia is okay though.)

60.) I'm lucky to even get presentations, so I shouldn't pull stunts that get them taken away from me. Such as, the above.

61.) When meetings are held at Japan's house, I'm not allowed to use the opportunity of Karaoke to broadcast my expansion plans. I have no expansion plans, which is why most of my presentations turn into rants about World Domination, which I will also never succeed at. If I do, Sweden will whoop me with his Big Belt.

62.) The Big Belt is scary. You do not want to be on the wrong end of it.

63.) Hanatomago is not my Steed. If I try to ride her, she will collapse.

64.) Same goes for Kumajirou.

65.) It is wrong to steal other countries familiars for the purpose of riding them. Even if some, like Poland's horse, are made to be ridden. It's still not nice.

66.) Poland owns a _pony,_ not a _horse_. And no, it doesn't taste like raisons. If I ask that one more time, he and Lithuania will go Commonwealth on my ass.

67.)I don't know what 'commonwealth on my ass' refers to, but Finland assures me I don't want to find out. So I shouldn't provoke them.

68.) If I ever ask France to become one with me, I will suffer the consequences and Finland and Sweden will not help me.

69.) Taiwan knows Kung Fu. She knows a lot of Kung Fu. My ninja moves _do not work_ on Taiwan.

70.) Sixty-Nine is not a funny number. I _will not_ snigger every time someone says 'Sixty-Nine' during their presentations.

71.) The tunnel from England to France _is not_ Sealandic territory, despite the fact that it technically lies in British Waters, within my channel.

72.) I may be forty-six, but my body is only twelve. Therefore I shouldn't take Russia up on his offer of vodka.

73.) Finland's beret is very precious to him, and I shouldn't hide it anywhere on Russia's person. Someone _will_ get hurt, and it usually isn't Finland.

74.) I shouldn't make fun of Norway's OCD by alphabetizing his papers in reverse order. It only makes Denmark angry.

75.) Neurotic N. Italy, plus caffeine, equals a very pissed off Germany the next morning. Therefore, I should never replace N. Italy's decaf with espresso.

76.) Likewise, if I ever replace S. Italy's espresso with decaf, I will end up in a great deal of pain deep in a ditch somewhere.

77.) I shouldn't come up behind Latvia in the middle of the night and whisper, "In the UN building, no one can hear you scream!" because someone _will_ hear him scream, that someone _will_ tell my parents, and I _will_ be whooped.

78.) Calling England 'UK' really pisses off Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and N. Ireland. And I don't want to do that, because they _are_ a gang, and they _will_ mess me up.

79.)I will not look across the table at Latvia during dinner and say, "So let's discuss our trade agreements." It's most likely that Latvia will pass out.

80.) If ever a conference takes place in Florida, I will not protest to not being able to go. I should also not whine, "BUT I WANNA GO TO AMERICA'S VITAL REGIONS TOOO!" loudly in the supermarket.

81.) Conferences that take place in Vital Regions are adults-only. I should submit to this fact.

82.) When Finland and Sweden's bosses come to dinner, I should be polite and courteous. I should not tell them all of the details about my parents' married lives they would rather their bosses not know. Likewise, I shouldn't tell them how scared I am of the noises that come out of their bedroom in the middle of the night.

83.) Coffee is not for children. Enough said.

84.) When Sweden and Finland go shopping during long conventions and conferences, I should not go through the bags from the drug store, find the condoms, and throw them off the balcony. They might never find out what happened to them, or they might hit Switzerland on the head and cause him to give all three of us dirty looks for the rest of the conference.

85.) Latvia and I are no longer allowed to reenact the flying scene from _Titanic_ on the ferry from Finland to Estonia. It was cute the first thirty times, now it's just annoying and repetitive.

86.) It's not WWII anymore, and my spying services are no longer needed. Germany gets really annoyed when I give him the stink eye across the meeting table, and Italy really hates it when I follow him back to his rooms at night.

87.) Marianna's Trench is not Sealandic territory, so I shouldn't tell people that I'm the Nepal of Deep-Sea Trenches.

88.) It's okay to convert to Hinduism if that's what I feel I need to do. It's not okay to use this as an excuse to hang out with India and try to see down her _Salwar Kameez_.

89.) Kazakhstan takes offense to any and all references to the movie Borat. _Do not_ mention Borat, or Sacha Baron Cohen, to Kazakhstan.

90.) I won't dye my hair black and impersonate Macau by hoarding gambling chips. China gets really mad, and will sic Russia on me.

91.) Transylvania does not appreciate it when you come up behind her, dressed in a cape, and hiss, "I vant to suck your blood!" I should never do this again, if I don't want to have Romania bitch-slap me like he did last time.

92.) I'm not allowed to whisper, "Armada…" to Spain, even if it is funny to see him go stiff and start rocking back and forth. S. Italy will kill me.

93.) It's not funny to ask Vatican City what he thinks of the movie _The Da Vinci Code_.

94.) Nor is it funny to ask Svalbard, "How are your seeds doing, freezing out there in the middle of the Arctic Circle?"

95.) Norway's troll and England's faeries exist. They can and will hurt me if I insinuate otherwise. Just because I cannot see them, it does not mean they're not there. As such, I should trust Norway the next time he tries to tell me that I'm about to sit on some tiny mythical creature.

96.) I'm not allowed to take naps under the conference table, no matter down tired I am. It gives England too much of an urge to kick me to resist.

97.) I shouldn't scoff at the number of bangles India wears. They do indeed come in handy in a fight.

98.) Telling Antarctica that no one lives in his house, and therefore no one cares about him, gives him an inferiority complex and self-esteem issues. It's mean, and I shouldn't do it.

99.) I shouldn't sing, "I saw Papa kissing Santa Clause…" because the joke got old a long time ago, and Sweden and Finland were never amused.

100.) It is okay to hug Latvia and tell him I love him. Just not in the middle of a meeting, and not in front of Russia.

101.) It's not okay to kick England in the shin and call him jerk. You'd think this was obvious by now, but…I seldom ever learn.

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End Story

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A/N: Oh, Sealand. *sigh* You silly little micronation, you. There may have been some things in there that didn't make sense to you, but just ask and I'll explain! I'm too lazy to list all the references here, and to be honest they'd probably be longer than the story itself.

Though, it should be said that I ship SeaLat and SuFin, very religiously. XD

-Lynn


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